2015 was a fulfilling year, holding so many great and happy memories. I was in love, and I was loved deeply. I traveled to a European continent, I've gotten a beautiful appraisal, I reaped the rewards with the hard work and effort I sowed. Last three-quarters of my 2015, things went a little down the hill. Got into a conflict my best friends and we barely spoke, and more frequent arguments with the person I love most.
It is still too early to sum up my 2016. It was a rough start and in contrast with 2015, I am at my lowest. I feel as though my world is crashing. I was the girl who put up a strong front, who barely cried watching romantic or sad movies, who ignored and shut my ears as my parents gave me a earful or two of nagging, who does not feel any remorse when I sinned but this year changed that. I teared too often, my heart filled with uneasiness, disappointments and sadness. I no longer found peace and comfort though listening to music, to confiding in my friends, to resorting to smoking, I only found peace and comfort when I prayed to Allah.
Today I found myself crying and sobbing so badly as I sat on my prayer mat. I can't even begin to describe whatever I am feeling right now. I have friends that I can confide in to, but I can't seem to open up to them. It's as though my lips were sealed shut as soon as I tried to tell them about my problems. I am lost right now and my only hope is that Allah will guide me closer to him, that He opens up my heart to prioritize only Him before anything else. In Shaa Allah. Aamiin.
